Couples with children who have found their relationship has dissolved are often too angry to deal rationally with the results, but they need to consider the emotional health of their children. No matter how they feel about their former spouse, they should never let it interfere with the relationship they have with their children. It is important to understand that sharing child custody is a privilege, and they must be on their guard to ensure they do not drag the children into the debris of their former relationship. Making children choose sides or even pumping them for information are two of the ways to abuse children in this situation.
The Age of Decision
Many societies have chosen an age at which children can decide which parent they would rather live with, but it can be difficult for them to make that decision. Children are very aware of the difficult emotions that swirl between their parents, and they also know how hurtful it can be for them to make a choice. Wise parents will never force their children to choose sides in an argument, and they will never ask them to choose where they would rather live. Giving them freedom from this type of decision is the best way to ensure they can get past the divorce and have normal relationships.
Asking about a Former Spouse
When two people split, one of them often moves to a separate residence. Their time with the children can be cut in half, or it could be even less if they are not the main custodial parent. Their job as a parent is to tend to their children, but some people use it as a way to find out what their former partner is now doing with their life. When it comes to the children, asking about a former spouse should be nothing more than a polite inquiry. This keeps the youngsters out of the middle and allows them the opportunity to live as normal a life as possible.
Some parents opt for joint custody, and it often works well before their children begin attending school. One parent can have their children live with them for an entire week, and then they will send them off to the former spouse for the next week. The adaptability of children enables them to function well in this type of custody agreement, but it can become more difficult when they go to school. Parents who live in different neighborhoods might be cutting them off from their friends and activities, so it is best to figure out a better solution that benefits the children.
Divorce deeply affects the two people who could not make their relationship work, but it can do even more damage to their children. Keeping them out of the fray by not asking them detailed questions about a former spouse is for the best, and they should not be asked which parent they will choose for their main living quarters. It gives them freedom from making adult decisions that could possibly haunt them for the rest of their lives.